© 2019 Proudly created by Dream Catchers Tony & Alexa. 

Pay Attention – The Most Important Thing in Marriage, and in Life

PAY ATTENTION!!!! This is a phrase most of us have heard our whole life – some of us more than others.

What does it mean exactly?

"It means Be Aware, Be Conscious, Be Awake – to yourself! Yes, pay attention to yourself.

Most of us are very quick to observe others words or actions – especially our partner.

I am here to invite you to try something different. To shift your focus away from others and to yourself.

The energy of connection, love, value, acceptance and safety – these concepts often get lost in our fast-paced world. Image a forest fire and it’s intense energy – this is what our world is currently.

Today, I invite you to slow down. To bring water to the fire. To pay attention – to be aware of all your thoughts, all your feelings, all the words that come out of your mouth – and words you choose to withhold, and all the actions you take or choose not to take. As you focus on yourself, I will ask you to be an observer.

Observing yourself and becoming a reporter of yourself

This means you will only report the facts. You will not be critical of yourself. You will not judge yourself. You will not get angry at yourself. You will not blame yourself. You will not find fault with yourself. These are the killer energies, as I call them, that take us into depression, anxiety and addiction! Even disease and illness.

The next step is to then “Be a person of your word”

Think about all the agreements you make in your mind, and the ones you make out loud. Now think about the amount of times you didn’t follow through with them. As you do this, stay in an energy of curiosity, “Hmmmmm, I wonder why I fought and yelled at my partner when I promised myself I wouldn’t do that anymore?” And then dialogue with yourself and pinpoint what you were feeling in your body at the time. Notice if you keep agreements with others, but not yourself. Now notice if you are critical, judgmental or angry at yourself. Notice if you blame or find fault with yourself.

Notice if the killer energies are present.

Now practice not being critical, judgmental, angry, fault finding or blaming of your awareness. And have fun noticing it. Begin embracing being a person of your word…. to yourself.

Killer Energies

Every client that sat on my couch over the last 30 years has reported the killer energies. They report they make agreements with themselves and don’t follow through as much as they follow through with others. I invite them to notice this and practice what I explained earlier in the article. I can report 100% of my client’s experience improvement immediately. They report improvements in all their relationships.

I can promise that following through with these simple, yet challenging directions will have you living in joy most of the time!

As you live a conscious, self-aware life, you will see that everything is a choice, and you become empowered.

You now practice making choices and playing with the outcome. Simple word changes create huge shifts. Living in this energy brings lightness, laughter, playfulness and joy into your soul and into your marriage. I have experienced this first hand – and seen it with all the couples, individuals and families I work with. Start today! This is a new beginning.

Julie Andersen Rodriguez Marriage & Family Therapist, LMFT

  VERIFIED EXPERT To understand me as a person and a therapist, it’s important to understand my beliefs. I believe in the fundamental good of all people. I believe in the value and worth of each person, regardless of their past or current situation. I believe that just because a person behaves badly, doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. I believe in a higher power; that we’re all connected; and that everything happens for a reason. I believe in the power of positive thought and how it can impact our reality. I believe in people and their instinctive ability to heal themselves; to be the person they want to be and to create the life they desire. Most of all, I believe in me, my training; my instincts; my intuition and my ability to help my clients find the answers that they’re looking for.